Chaos is known as the being that never became a star. It is everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time.
Neither good nor evil, the ultimate expression of nothingness. The antithesis of the cosmos, creation itself.
Although Chaos claims to be the very state of existence from which the first entities appeared, it cannot form into the entity it wants most.
So it has been cursed to stay in the form of a dark and shapeless void. Floating between existence and nonexistence.
Longingly watching as stars are constantly born and lives are lived. The seeds of malice had been planted, flourished and transformed Chaos into the purest form of evil.
[attr="class","nameLyrics"]if you're letting go[break]let me go slowly
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Snow kissed the ground as it made its descent from the heavens, leaving an otherwise dark night with an eerie glow. The winter storms had made a beautiful, peaceful act of nature into a cruel and intimidating one. The gentle pitter-patter of snow clumps hitting the ground had been replaced by the wind ripping through the trees. It was not a good night to try to save a few dollars to decline public transportation.
[break][break] Icy flecks stabbed at Karin’s face as she trudged through the blanket of snow on the sidewalk. A long shift at the coffee shop had given way to a long walk home and Karin couldn’t say she was very happy with it. Was it worth it to save a tiny amount of her income? Well, it was hard to say at the moment. The brunette pulled her scarf higher on her face, hoping it would shield her from the unforgiving snowflakes.
[break][break] Through the white of the blizzard-like conditions, Karin could barely make out a bus stop. Her spirits lifted a little at the thought of stealing a few precious moments under the awning and warming herself. The crunching sound of snow packing down under her shoes picked up in tempo as she changed course for the bus stop.
[break][break] Why did I ever decide to move to Vaugirard? Rin was kicking herself for trying to live below her means. She’d barely even looked at the apartment before signing her lease. All that mattered to her was that it was cheap and the landlords would fix whatever broke… probably.
[break][break] Finally, the snow stopping smacking her in the face as she crossed the threshold to the bus stop’s mostly-enclosed bench area. Even if there was no heater, Rin was thankful for the break from the snow and harsh winds for just a few moments. If her calculations were correct, she should be able to make it home within the next fifteen minutes or so.
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Rin laughed, half to herself. Was this guy delusional? "Have you met literally anyone with those qualities?" She huffed. Besides, if crazy was the worst thing that could result from her best try then how was it not worth it? Life wasn't paved and smoothed; it was bumpy and there were stumbles and falls along the way. Rin refused to fall into her parents' footsteps and this was the best way to avoid it. [break][break]
The crisp jingle of the bell caused Rin to yank her head around and force on a smile. Snow flittered in behind the person as the door closed. "Welcome!" She greeted the customer, happily. Then turned back to Signus, hoping he'd stay quiet about the former interaction around the customer. She narrowed her eyes slightly; the last thing she needed was a bad comment card on bickering employees. [break][break]
The sound of her name caused the brunette to turn back around and smile. "Oh, hi," Karin was slightly caught off-guard. Should she explain the second job? Was that anyone's business? After a few seconds of deliberation, she decided to skim over the topic. "Anything else?" She chirped, punching the buttons in to ring up his order.
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Time was passing slower than Karin was used to and her smile faded when she realized her joke wasn't received. Did it really matter? No, she didn't have some irrational need to be liked. She did, however, enjoy being able to weave the illusion that she was the nice, simple girl she pretended to be. Blue eyes glazed over to a bored look as she dropped her facade. What a tiring image to uphold. "Of course I can. That's part of my job." Rin stated matter-of-factly. Her smile returned and she stood up from her chair and paused to jot down the author of the book on her hand. [break][break] Karin paused to glance up at Julius. They weren't really close enough to be worried about each other's well being, but Rin couldn't help but wonder if something was going on. She hadn't noticed his absence and there had been a decline in attendance since the winter storms anyway so the brunette doubted that there was anything major keeping him from participating. "There's been a lack of attendance. I'm assuming from the weather," she gestured toward the door. "Otherwise, it's been the norm. We're reading a mystery at the moment. You haven't missed much if you're worried." She stepped from behind the counter and motioned for him to follow her.
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Self-help books came in about every size, shape, and form Karin realized after having pulled up their list of the genre. From How to Use a Computer to Why is My Cat Coughing, there was about any topic you could imagine. Of course, they weren't all available and a good bit of them had to be requested from other libraries. One such title did happen to catch her eye and she paused as she noticed it: Meaningful Relationships for Dummies. Maybe that was worth looking into? She wasn't very good at the whole 'friendship' thing and she had no problem admitting that. People had a tendency to let her down when she was counting on them the most.
[break][break] "Understandable," she replied back absentmindedly as she continued to scroll through various book titles. Karin paused for a moment and glanced over at Julius. It probably wasn't her place to tell him that he'd probably do just fine without the help of a book. Most self-help books were money gimmicks anyway, she reminded herself. Returning back to the screen, Rin nodded. "How about Teach like a Wizard: Third Installment of the Education Serise? It looks like we have that. Your other option is one more aimed at preschool teachers but perhaps that would be helpful with interns?" She chuckled to herself.
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Ah, the book club. Rin was always right on time. It kept people from forming an opinion of her; she was just the quiet, out of the way girl who was never late or too early. "Yes, have you not been there?" Rin tapped her chin. She hadn't noticed him in the past few sessions but she also didn't pay a lot of attention.
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The smell of old books was Karin's favorite part of working at the library. It had other perks: decent pay, holidays off, mediocre insurance, and the possibility of a retirement. Snowy days spent in the comfort of a novel based on a famous science study were the best days. Karin had loved the snow since she was a child; it was one of the few free joys of the world. Unfortunately, she was beginning to feel less enthusiastic about the white blanket that kept raising her electricity bill. An easy fix for that was working long hours at the library, which was always warm and the bills for which were never thrust into her mailbox. If anything, Rin had come to the conclusion that excitement over frozen particles of rain was for children; she was too old to be amused by something so impractical and problematic.
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A gust of cold forced Rin's eyes up from her book and towards the door. Her icy stare fell on a familiar face as the man closed the door back. Karin didn't know Julius very well, but he had seemed to be nice enough from the times she'd met him. She slipped into her usual happy persona and dogeared her current page in the novel she was reading. Rin placed the book cover down on her desk; she'd realized quickly as a teenager that genius wasn't widely spotlighted in society. Most people were threatened by intelligence, and threatening was the last impression she wanted to give while at work.
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She listened to Julius's question, before tapping her chin and nodding. "We do. They should be in; not many people check out self-help books these days," Rin nodded, more to herself than anyone. She wouldn't want people to know that she needed help, so she was in agreement with those people that avoided them. She turned to her computer to check the location of said books, "Looking to start teaching?" She questioned while she typed.
‘The only stupid question is the question you don’t ask,’ Rin’s mother’s words echoed in her head. Oh, how wrong her mother had been. There was an abundance of stupid questions one could ask and her latest one fell right on top of the rest of them. Small talk was hard for Karin, maybe because she didn’t relate with most people or maybe because she was socially inept. It didn’t really matter why it only mattered that she was bad at it.
Rin tried to soak up as much information as she could. It was times like these her calculating nature kicked in. Karin thrived when she was being given orders; there was something about the bliss of being able to shut off her brain and drive straight into work. “I’ll try to have this committed to memory by tomorrow,” she tapped the front of the booklet. Who needs sleep anyway?
She took the customer’s orders as they fled the harsh winter storm for the warmth of the coffee shop. They weren’t very busy, which gave her some time between orders to flip through the book. A stiff smile sat upon her face through the entirety of her order-taking time. She made sure to thank each one of them in the kindest voice possible. She took a moment to glance at her mentor's nametag since surely she’d need to know his name. Signus, it read. The man spoke and struck a slight nerve with the woman, causing her to drop her smile momentarily. “Poor morons?” Rin began to assume Signus must be middle class with such blatant annoyance towards the other social classes. “I’m happy to be here to serve the public and have the opportunity to give back,” and pivot and smile for the camera. Any other questions she could give a canned beauty pageant answer to? End world hunger, stop racial stereotyping, maybe put an end to child bullying?
Outside of being told she had the job and that it paid pretty measly, Karin wasn’t told much else on how her first day was supposed to go. She also couldn’t say she visited this particular coffee shop much at all prior to seeing the ‘help needed’ sign on the window. It was regrettable that she hadn’t; the coffee shop was quaint and inviting. Aside from the employee’s rather lackluster attitude; the white-haired man was not high on her list of people to impress.
It wasn’t time to relax yet, though. “Thank you, sir,” she mused, smiling happily. She was a bit early, but that didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Karin noticed the man move his hand over a piece of paper. She assumed it was some embarrassing love note and thought nothing else of it. Rin rocked on her heels, “You must do really impressive work to be the one they picked to mentor me.”
Rin followed the man to the office. She spotted her name quickly and was surprised to see that he recalled her name without any problems. She’d always been very bad at remembering names. That was one perk of avoiding people. He winked and she smiled, though she raised her eyebrows at the same time. People didn’t tend to wink at librarians or orphans so she didn’t have much experience in handing out the proper response to that.
Back at the register, she followed his instructions and clicked the sign in button. It wasn’t much compared to the programs she had to use at the library. “So, how long have you worked here?” Rin questioned, still staring at the register screen.
It had been a grueling day for Karin, and it was only midday. She'd spent several hours fussing over her appearance in the mirror to no avail; she looked the exact same as every other day. Karin had probably tied her hair up a good twenty times just to take it down and start over. This job was important to Karin and she needed to make a good first impression. The winter air nipped at her cheeks as she headed for the familiar little coffee shop. She loved how the winter months looked, but oh did she hate how the cold felt and the extra layers of clothes only suffocated her.
She pushed the door to the coffee shop open, and the shrill sound of a welcoming bell filled the warm air of the store. The woman put on her best cheery smile and waved to the man behind the counter, "Hi there!" Karin paused to look around. "I'm Karin Mayumi; today's my first day." Did she hate working with the public? Absolutely. Was she going to strive to be the best barista ever? Positively. Rin never did anything half-assed, and she wasn't about to start now.
Picture an impecunious, dilapidated house settled on uneven foundation outside of New Paris. Looking beyond the unappealing exterior, you’d see the perfect picture image of a family. A healthy father, a happy mother, a strong son, and a beautiful daughter. Of course, there wouldn’t be much to this story if there wasn’t some big, brutal tragedy coming.
[break][break] Love doesn’t keep life running, and Karin learns this at the early age of seven. Bills pile upon other bills and Rin’s father drowns himself in them. She learns how to keep one foot in school and the other in her father’s hospital room -- which they can’t afford -- while her mother struggles to keep them afloat. Her brother takes a part-time job after school and they begin to drift apart.
[break][break] Unfortunately, fate follows the same laws as Newton’s First Law of Motion and stays in motion. Rin’s father succumbs after a few years; his immune system compromised by his massive amount of stress compacted by a fatal case of the flu was just too much for him. Her brother turns to drugs to keep him awake long enough to pull off school, an after-school job, and a second job under the table. Eventually, the drugs take more money then he’s earning and the family doesn’t see him anymore. Rin’s family falls apart on her sixteenth year of life when her brother is arrested. This is the final straw for her mother, who mixes a decadent cocktail of various pills and the rest of their liquor cabinet stock.
[break][break] Karin doesn’t attend her mother’s funeral, nor does she visit her brother in prison. She keeps her head down, focuses on her schoolwork, and claps for herself when she graduates. Admittedly, Rin deals with the tragedy that was her family quite unhealthily. Instead of grieving, she develops a Nihilistic outlook on life and a very cold attitude towards pretty much all people. Through the years, she’s learned how that attitude can negatively affect her job performance, so she generally wears a happy, sweet facade in the workplace.
[break][break] Rin refuses to acknowledge to other people the mess that was her family. She burnt down her world of sunshine and mermaids and make-believe, and built her own world out of the ashes. [break][break] TDLR:[break] -Parents dead[break] -Brother in prison[break] -Rin's a sad person and needs hugs[break]
The skin LIGHTS OFF was made by JAWN of WICKED WONDERLAND.
HALATION was created by KOJIHIME. Images belong to their respective artists. All codes and scripts belong to their respective coders. Please DO NOT take anything without the owners' permission.
